


There I will find you

by DanasKitty



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bullying, First Kiss, Imaginary Friends, Lonliness, M/M, Sadness, Suicide, sorry - Freeform, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-13
Updated: 2014-02-13
Packaged: 2018-01-12 04:10:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1181714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanasKitty/pseuds/DanasKitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I lied next to him on the bed trying to smack his head but it only hit the pillow. My heart shattered. I can’t touch him. He isn’t really there.</p>
<p>OR: the one where liam is so alone but he actually isn't because he has Zayn. But he is when Zayn is forced to leave... </p>
<p>idk man i suck at summaries. just read...</p>
            </blockquote>





	There I will find you

Why? ..It was all I can think about. Why did they treat me this way? Why do they always make fun of me? Why did they always make me cry myself to sleep? I had no clue. No idea on why they would have a strong grudge on me. I feel so lonely and depressed. I have no one. “Ouch! What was that for?” I was pulled out of my thoughts as I felt a hand slap me. “You have me, you twat!” Zayn yelled, as much as it was awkward for me to say this, Zayn is my everything.

 

Well, I told you I had no one right? So by time when I was four, I had this crazy imaginary friend. I know I was four back then, but I can’t stop seeing him till now. Not that I’m complaining!! God how many times did he embarrass me. That bastard drove me insane sometimes and made me yell at him in public places which is only me yelling at air! He’d laugh so hard at things like this. He didn’t really put me in real troubles. In fact, He always told me how to fight back. How to say no when I don’t want to or how to say I’m not afraid of you. he’s really my everything.

 

"I know, glad that I am, fucker." He said laughing. His laugh managed to make me forget about everything and I laughed, too. I lied next to him on the bed trying to smack his head but it only hit the pillow. My heart shattered. I can’t touch him. He isn’t really there. "But seriously Zayn, Why?" I didn’t need to explain more, He makes it easier for me. "Maybe because the world can’t handle so much kindness, Li!" He said. I didn’t know if he was making fun of me or what. It's not like he would though. I only nodded and went back to sleep. Tomorrow is a big day.

 

"Zayn! wake up." I yelled as we were late for my big day. It was the day when I’m going to show the school my project about the endangered animals. And now I think I won’t show it cause my friend.. well, imaginary but still a friend didn’t wake me up in time. "Calm down! I’ll help you!!" He stood up worried and told me to go and dress up and he’ll organize my papers. 

 

"I’m done!" He said at the same time I finished dressing up.

 

I looked at my desk to find my papers exactly the same. I should have been used to this. I  should know that no, he isn't actually there but it just makes me sadder and sadder every time I'm proved that I'm right and yeah, he's not actually with me.

 

I quickly grabbed my papers and started to sort them in no practical order trying so hard to hide the tear I accidently slipped. But Zayn saw, or knew. Somehow, he was right next to me.

 

"I'm always here, you know." He said, placing his index finger on my heart. I smiled softly at him, his eyes. His eyes are so beautiful. His face, his everything. My eyes fell on his lips, the so soft and pink lips he's poke his tongue out and moisture them, leaving me breathless.

 

He leaned down to what I assumed was a kiss. Well, obviously. My breath quickened as I felt his warm breath all over me. Just as soon as our lips touched, my alarm went off for the second time, its 7:45.

 

 "Let’s go!!" I said walking out of the door but I got stuck with him which caused me to hit the door frame. "OUCH!" I yelled from pain but Zayn laughed, I wondered why but then I looked up to find my mom worriedly looking at me. So yeah. Same old problem. I’m basically stuck with myself. "GO ahead!!" He said and I was pulled out of the thought that have been haunting me lately. 

 

I needed this to happen again, to last longer. To have something more. He's the only one who cares, who stops me from doing things I'd regret. I need him.

 

It was time. Everyone was sitting in the biology class. The teacher on her desk. Zayn next to me. I felt so nervous but having him next to me made things so much better. “As we all know how many animals have ex..”  I began but I was cut off shortly as a paper was thrown at me. I looked up to find it a big guy who I didn't even bother to know his name. 

 

"That son of a.." Zayn stood up from the teachers desk and made his way to the boy who threw the paper at me which I found out it had a "faggot" on it. "Zayn it’s okay!!" I yelled as I ran and tried to stop him but then I remembered. He’s not here. Tears began falling down my cheeks as " _yeah call Zayn.” “Zayn is your boyfriend?” “is he crazy?”_ Kept coming from his class’s mates. 

 

He looked at them with hurt. It wasn’t the first time they made fun of him, but he will never get  used to it. “It’s okay, Liam. They’re a bunch of idiots. Let’s go out.” Zayn said grabbing Liam by the hand and out of the class. “Liam, Come back here.” The teacher yelled. “Now you’re yelling?! Tell her no and keep walking.” Zayn said and Liam did as he was told. 

"no." Liam said, eyes cold and heart beating faster cause it never went this far, being rude to a teacher. "Liam, don’t make me repeat myself. Come back here and sit in your place or else…" she threatened, getting up from her desk and stood in front of her class.

Liam was no stupid, but the women in front of him defiantly was. It should be the other way around, the bullied boy should have the teacher by his side, but no. she choose theirs. He had no idea why but it just made him a lot more confused and depressed.

The class began snickering and whispering. Zayn tugged on my hand pulling me out of the class and into the restrooms.

 

"Liam don’t cry, you know I hate it when you do!" Zayn begged. Liam didn’t know how to stop, he didn’t want to anyway. It felt good to cry with someone he loved. He loved Zayn. He loved him so much. God! these feelings were strong.

"I’m fine, Zayn. It’s just.. It feels good  when I cry." He said. It was the true so Zayn didn’t argue. He just sat there and offered him a tissue which he gladly accepted and began to blow his nose . Zayn made a What-The-disgusting-hell-are-you-doing face. They looked at each other and began laughing so hard. It was amazing how a look from Zayn can make him smile, Laugh!

"I love you so much." Liam blurted out, eyes widening and heart pounding because, no, it wasn't supposed to be like this, What if Zayn doesn’t feel the same. What if the heavens that Liam thinks has sent him Zayn will take this as its' sign and ask Zayn to come back up, because they weren't meant to be, what if..

"Me too," Zayn whispered and when did he move to be sitting this _close_ to him. But it felt so good, so scary yet comforting how something so imaginary, unreal can provide so much heat and _love_.

And yeah, Liam began to believe that good things actually happen, wishes come true when Zayn leans in again and presses his lips to his and just _kisses him._ One hand wrapped around Liam's waist and the other tugging so softly at his hair. Liam haven’t kissed anyone before. It's not a big shock, honestly. But he feels like he should do something. So , he just raises his hands and freezes because _what the hell_ is he doing. Zayn chuckles against his lips and moves his hand that’s wrapped around his waist and moves Liams hand to his neck and liam hesitantly goes with the soft move. His other hand is still in the air, confused until Zayn mumbles a _do the same_ against his lips. Liam blushes and smiles, moving his other hand and placing it on Zayns neck.

Lips moving softly against each other, breaking apart for less than a millisecond just to smile at each other, "Yeah, I love you too, so much."

And it was probably the first and only time Liam smiled this big, real.

Little did they know they were being, or he was being spied on.

**

"I’m scared!" He said as Zayn and him were walking back from school. It was dark and there was no one. He was so scared and  thanked god Zayn was there. "Don’t be!! Nothing can possibly be scary when we are together!" Zayn said smiling, wrapping his hand around his waist and pulling his closer to his side, and he could swear he felt his touch for the first time. He smiled so wide, he's smiling too much lately, he thought. Zayn smiled back, hint of confusion on his features but said nothing. 

 

"Hey, psycho!" The big guy who threw the paper at him showed up from a dark corner on the road. His heart dropped and he felt numb. He didn’t know what to do, he couldn't run, having this big, fat guy blocking his way. He couldn’t beg, he's been humiliated enough.

 

  _I think I’ll just wait for it,_ he though. _It’ll be over soon_ , he hoped. _I’m used to be beaten after school,_ he tried making it sound easier.

 

 "What does that fucker want?!" Zayn hissed, stepping in front of him in a defending matter. He could see panic, hurt in Zayns' eyes as the guy walked through him, almost making him disappear, almost breaking Liam more than he already is. Zayn wanted to protect him and that’s all he could ask for. It was also all he can think about when he felt a fist knocking the air out of his lungs, hitting him hard. It was painful. He couldn’t do anything but smile towards Zayn who was telling him to fight back. He was shouting and telling him to be strong, _begging him to be strong._ With a face full of tears and _guilt._ He  actually didn’t think he can do it anymore. He can’t fight anymore. He's tired of fighting. He's tired of all that hate. He's tired of seeing Zayn cry because he's a weak one. He's a one who can’t fight for himself. He kept receiving them. One, by one. He didn’t scream out in pain as he collapsed to the ground,  _bleeding._ He  didn’t know what happened as he passed out on the side of the road. The last thing he felt was legs kicking his side and the last thing he saw was Zayns tears falling down from his cheek. He  wished this was enough to kill him. He wished it was enough to end Zayns tears. 

_It wasn’t._

 

He woke up in a hospital bed, obviously from the amount of bright lights and white sheets and _disappointment._

He  had those wires connected to his body, _what will happen if I pulled them out?_. And had a wire connected to his nose  to help me to breath, _can someone disconnect it?_  

He looked around the room with eyes half opened. He couldn’t find Zayn.

 

For the first time in his whole life. Zayn wasn’t there. He wanted to cry and so he did. So hard, ugly sobs and big tears because _Zayn isn't there._

He didn’t tell him how he hated it when he cried. He didn’t make fun of him. He didn’t embarrass him in front of the doctor like that time when he was six and went to the doctor, having Zayn throwing jokes around the room with Liams eyes following him around, freaking his parents out.

He didn’t find him anywhere. He closed his eyes tight. Hoping it was just a nightmare that will end soon and Zayn and him would be back to his room, finally able to kiss and love.

 

He re-opened his eyes.

 

He found him, He was there. Smiling. He tried to call him but he felt too weak. He was beginning to panic because what if he blinked? What if he didn’t find him again? “ _zayn”_ It came out weaker than he expected, almost a whisper. It was all that came out. He closed his eyes because they were beginning to burn and _prayed_. He prayed that the only person he had trusted since he was able to understand the world. The person that had been with him  through everything and most of all the person he loved. he prayed that he could be with him again. He prayed that he could feel his touch _one more time._  

He opened his eyes and found him near. He saw him sitting next to him on the bed, the uncomfortable bed that just by Zayns presence turned to be the most comfortable place in the world.

Zayn was crying, too. It was his fault, wasn’t it? It is always his. He can’t make him happy. He hated it, he hated himself. I

“zayn..” he tried to speak but his tongue felt like it weight too much to move, like he had been drugged. “You’re not going to be able to see me again.” He whispered, placing his palm on Liams cheek. The heart monitors peeps got louder because the touch, _that touch_ was real, there. But he honestly didn't know if it was because of the touch or Zayns words.

 

Zayn was smiling. It was a bitter-sweet smile through tears. His body felt weaker, and tears fell down his eyes easier than It ever did as well. Why? He wanted him, _need him_. Whywould he live without him. Why can’t he see him again?

 

"Your parents," Zayn began, swallowing around the knot in his throat, "They explained what you've been experiencing, going through," He stopped tracking Liams cheek with his thump, wiping what he could from the tears there as he continued, "They say it'll be solved, you problem, If I'm gone. They put you on medication, Li." He finished explaining with a loud sob. It was the first time Liam has ever seen him cry, heard him.

"

You're not my problem!" Liam almost screamed, but cried harder as an electric pain shoot into his sides. "Liam!" Zayn worriedly held his shoulder, keeping him in place, "Please don’t move, Don’t hurt yourself." He almost begged. Tears falling harder and if Liam didn't like it when Zayn was upset he definitely hated it when he cried. "And what they're doing to me? Taking you away, isn’t that hurting me? _I need you!_ " Liam closed his eyes, treasuring the _feel_ of Zayns hand on his cheek.

 

"We aren’t meant to be together in this world," Zayn said, shrugging softly, as if trying to convince Liam with something he isn't convinced with, something he didn’t want to believe.  "who knows what will happen in another life, yeah?"" He smiled softly leaning down

 

"I just love you too much." He said and more tears fell down his face and into the white pillow as Zayn kissed him. Lingering and beautiful, kissing back just as hard, closing his eyes too tight and pushing back the idea that this is _goodbye._ "I love you too, it's like, for me, love it you." He chuckled a bit, feeling stupid but in love.

 

Zayn smiled, too. Laughing softly. And then someone opened the door so quickly that Liam had to move his eyes from the beauty that was Zayns smile. It was a doctor and liam could care less but when he looked back at Zayn. He wasn't there. And he thought it was goodbye.

 

_It wasn't._

 

The room was dark, empty and _cold._ He hasn't seen Zayn since that time, 6 hours ago and it's driving him insane. It’s like he has lost himself which is half true. He decides that it's time to prove its wasn't goodbye. No one has checked on him for the past two hours and he takes it as his sign to begin.

 

It's easy to get up, due to the fact they removed all the wires connected to him, but it's hard to stand up. He feels like throwing up what he hadn't eaten. But he tries, he has been hurt more than that.

 

The hospital is mostly empty, well, totally. And he sighs, walking around, tiptoeing until his reached the room he was looking for, _the supplies room._

He enters and searches through everything until he finds what he's looking for, an injection. He knows nothing about what he's doing, he's not being careful with holding the needle between his index and thump fingers, because that the point..

 

He also doesn’t know anything about whether it will kill him or not. He knows if it just air injection it'll kill in a blink of an eyes so he backs down from grabbing a random fluid tube. He places it on his arm, between the forearm and bicep and presses. The needle penetrating his skin doesn’t hurt at all, surprisingly. And he instantly feels dizzy and lightheaded more than before. He's sitting on his knees but it feels like its taking a lot of effort to do so, so he just lays down, looking at the door with heavy eyes.

 

He feels them shutting and so he does shut them, and he could've swore he saw _Zayn_.

 

…

 

"time of death. 4:32 a.m" He looked at the doctors surrounding his body. He smiled a real smile, close enough to the one he did with Zayn..

Zayn.

I’m coming Zayn. I’m coming, love. 

.

 

**Author's Note:**

> how do people even end one shots!!!!!! anyways this was wrote a while ago in my tumblr buut i edited it... please comment?:)


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